Today was an incredibly hard day for me. I knew before I came that there were going to be things that I cried about, things I wouldn't handle well. Today, I found one. We went to the community hospital, the largest public hospital in all of Central and South America. We were laden with chairs for the mothers standing at their children's beds, candy and toys for the patients. I went along with my new friend Sean (old enough to be my dad) and we prayed with several mothers and passed out the goodies we had packed. They were all very thankful, and very eager to pray with us, it was such a blessing. The children were rather amused with my spanish, and I didn't care because I got them to laugh. We went into the pediatric cancer ward also…I went around to some of the beds, which were in a very cramped, very busy waiting-room like area. I found a very young boy sitting by himself, so I sat down on the floor by his chair and started talking to him. He was very grave, and seemed very nervous. Once I got him talking, which took a lot, I found out the kid was two. Two. I pulled out some coloring pages and crayons for him to use, but he wanted me to color for him. While we were coloring his grandmother joined us…I'm not really sure where she was while he was sitting by himself. I introduced myself and she sat there quietly while Jose and I played. He really started to warm up to me, and it didn't take long for me to really get him laughing. In the pictures he is smiling, and that is exactly the way I want to remember him…he was two years old, taking steroids as part of his treatment (thus the chubbiness), and back at the hospital for another painful treatment, and the best thing I did that day was make his wait entertaining. He was such a sweet little boy, and he had undergone so much more in his two years than I have in my eighteen. I also met another girl, named Jenny, who had had her right leg amputated half way up her thigh. Her mother and sister were both with her, and we got to talk for awhile. Her mother really wanted a doll for her, and none of us had any, so I told her that if I was back at the hospital in the next ten days (that's how long they'd be there) I would bring a doll to her. In the same room as Jenny was a little boy who absolutely adored Paul. He had a feeding tube, and was with both of his parents. So cute, as the picture shows. Paul is definitely a magnet for the cutest little boys. After Hospital Escuela we went to the blind school, which was absolutely amazing. Here I became buddies with Carlos, who from what I could tell was not completely blind but very close. He played a few songs for me on the piano, and really loved taking pictures…I was a little reluctant to hand over my camera at first, but he was so excited to take pictures…now, as you can imagine, a nearly blind person taking pictures may not produce the most desired effects…I had a ton of pictures of just my torso, no head, but he was able to take a few good ones, and I will always be able to tell which pictures were his. What an amazing child. My day was full of amazing children, all struggling to take on the trials they were presented with. It was not until that night at devotional that I broke down. I am realizing that God has given me a response system in which I have enough adrenaline pumping in my body when I am faced with something difficult to hold back my tears, so that I can be strong for others, but later it catches up to me. I cried for Jose, sitting in that waiting room by himself, and for Jenny, depressed in her wheelchair, and for Carlos, asking me if the pictures he had taken were good. God has blessed me with no signs of cancer as a toddler, two legs to walk on, and blue eyes to observe the world, but He has blessed Jose with a determined spirit, Jenny with a very supportive mother and sister, and Carlos with an amazing ear for music. God is good, and He knows exactly what He is doing. I find comfort in that God does not give us challenges we cannot handle, and I will constantly pray for Jose, Jenny, and Carlos, and every other child struggling as they are to have the strength each day to handle their struggles, as I know that God is the only one who can help me through mine. Today was really hard, yet I know that it will be these hard days that will make me praise God even more. Please pray that I have more hard days while I'm here - I feel that I have become too selfish and too comfortable in my comparatively easy and carefree life…I am reminded of the song, "My heart is hard, my soul so weak, the ways of evil cut so deep, I need you Lord, to come inside, and gently break my heart. Break my heart, dear Lord, tear the barriers down, show me Father, where to start, and gently break my heart."
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